Sunday, October 4, 2009

Is this normal?

I don't think it is normal for a mother to literally blow her top on a regular basis, but no matter how hard I try, I lose it at least once a week. Is it me? Ok, here's the truth.... I have taken on a task that is too great for me. I am completely overwhelmed. You see, I had the bright idea to begin homeschooling all three of my kids on my own this year. I also have a job that is very demanding of my time. This is NOT working, but I am too stubborn to admit defeat, and there is not anyone here to help me carry the load, so here I am, another week, losing it.
I need to go back to why I made the decision to homeschool in the first place. I know there were good valid reasons. This is not a decision I made on a whim. There were good motives behind this madness that has become my life.

1. I want my children to have a God-centered life and a strong spiritual foundation.
2. I want my children to have a superior education, one not tainted by the humanist agenda.
3. I want my children to understand the severity of sin and how it separates us from God. If they are told day after day that sin is not a big deal, of course they are going to accept that.
4. I want my children to achieve greatness in this world.
5. I want my children to know how to think.

Okay, so it has only been 2 months, but so far, I am failing miserably at this. Looking at my top 5 reasons to homeschool, I cannot see how we are coming close to these ideals. I am not crazy. I know I will not have the perfect home school, the perfect methods, or the perfect kids, and I definitely won't be the perfect mom. I also realize that 2 months is not really a long time at all. I have heard the pep talks, read the articles, bought the books. I know these things take time. But what none of these experts understand, is that I cannot see a point where things will even have a chance to improve.
After losing it tonight, I feel really terrible. I need to go apologize to my kids. I will explain the rest later..

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